All the Things I'll Never Say
by Celtic Flame1
Summary: Ginny's in love and she can't take it anymore. Harry's mad at Ron and is in love with Draco. Draco is just Draco accept that he likes Harry. Their relationship should work out well right? Wrong. Read more to find out. Eventual H/D.


Disclaimer: They aren't mine, they are J.K. Rowling's so please don't sue me!  
  
Warning: This fic contains slash so if you don't like it don't read it!  
  
A/N: Since my Italics and Bolds don't work these stand for thoughts! Enjoy!  
  
All the Things I'll Never Say  
  
Chapter 1 Goodbyes and Regrets  
  
Ginny had completed five years of school at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Since day one she had had her eye on someone who would be the so-called forbidden fruit. Well, maybe not the forbidden fruit, but someone that was way too good for her, so she thought. Out of all the people she should fall for, she just had to fall for the one that could never love her back, the one that acted like she didn't even exist, the one that she was destined not to be with. "Why couldn't I love someone else?" she asked herself quietly for what seemed to be like the millionth time. She couldn't live like this anymore; she had to do something about it. The solution had always been at the back of her mind, but till now she had never had the courage to act on it. This was the last time she would cry because of him without him even knowing. Pleased with her idea, she ran out of her dorm, making all her plans in the process.  
  
So here she was standing just outside of the Great Hall, right behind the great oak doors, where no one could see her. She was ready. She walked through the doors and every eye was on her. She was starting to get nervous, but that couldn't be helped. She couldn't get distracted; she had to do this! So with as much determination and courage as she could muster, she walked up on to the stage that Professor Dumbledore had made for her. She stepped up on to the stage, pointed her wand at her throat, and whispered "Sonorus." She then started singing:  
  
la la la la la la la la la... la la la la la la la la la...  
  
I'm tugging at my hair I'm pulling at my clothes I'm trying to keep my cool I know it shows I'm staring at my feet My cheeks are turning red I'm searching for the words inside my head I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect 'Cause I know you're worth it...you're worth it...yeah  
  
If I could say what I want to say I'd say I want to blow you... away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I want to see I want to see you go down on one knee... Marry me today! Guess I'm wishing my life away... With these things I'll never say  
  
It don't do me any good It's just a waste of time What use is it to you, what's on my mind? If it ain't comin' out We're not goin' anywhere So why can't I just tell you that I care? I'm feeling nervous Trying to be so perfect 'Cause I know you're worth it...you're worth it...yeah  
  
If I could say what I want to say I'd say I want to blow you... away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I want to see I want to see you go down on one knee Marry me today! Guess I'm wishing my life away... With these things I'll never say  
  
What's wrong, with my tongue These words keep slippin' away... I stutter...I stumble Like I've got nothin' to say... I'm feelin' nervous Tryin' to be so perfect 'Cause I know you're worth it...you're worth it...yeah  
  
la la la la la la la la la... la la la la la la la la la...  
  
Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say If I could say what I want to say I'd say I want to blow you... away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I want to see I want to see you go down on one knee Marry me today Guess I'm wishing my life away With these things I'll never say  
  
These things I'll never say  
  
And with those words, she finished the song. This was it. This was the part that she was nervous about. It wasn't the song; it was what was going to happen after. And now that time had come. She paused for a few seconds to catch her breath and regain her composure. She knew that if she didn't get a hold of herself, she'd never be able to do this. You can do this Ginny, don't you dare back out now! You've gone too far. Just a few words and it'll all be over. She took a deep breath and started talking. "This song goes out to anyone who has ever been in love with someone, but never had the nerve to tell him or her. But most importantly, this song goes out to a person who is, and has always been, very special to me, throughout my years at Hogwarts. Although he does not know it, I love him with all my heart, but I know that I'll never have the courage to tell him how I feel, and even if I did, I know inside that it wouldn't work out anyway. You weren't there for me when I needed and wanted you most, but that's ok, I love you anyway. You practically never even acknowledged my existence but that's ok, I love you anyway. I know that you won't ever be there for me but that's ok, I love you anyway. I'd die for you. I'd follow you to the ends of the Earth and back. I know that you probably wouldn't do the same for me, but that's ok, I love you anyway. Isn't it funny, how when you say something, it's easier to say when you realize that you're not going to suffer the consequences? Consider this a good bye of sorts; think about all the things I'll never say to you and say them to the person you love. You've got your life and I've got mine, we're just not meant to be. What else is there to live for?" While laughing bitterly, she said, "Nothing." After a brief pause, she confessed, "I will always love you, Draco Malfoy my love.and my life." With those last words, and before anyone could stop her, she pointed her wand at her heart and spoke those two fatal words, "Avada Kedavra", in front of the whole school.  
  
After an initial moment of shock, everyone ran up onto the stage. But at the Slytherin table, a lone figure was sitting in the corner. It was Draco Malfoy. Oh Ginny! Why couldn't you have told me earlier? Why did you have to realize that I couldn't love you? It's not that I didn't want to, but I mean, how could I when my heart already belongs to someone else? You deserve better than a bloody git who can't even love you! I'm sorry, Ginny, I really am. Well, isn't that ironic? Me, Draco bloody Malfoy, just apologized to someone. Too bad she'll never hear it. That's it Draco, apologize when it's already too BLOODY late! Oh great! You just broke another rule in the book! Malfoys never say sorry! Well fuck that.I think. With those words and silent tears streaming down his face, despite the fact that Malfoys don't cry, Draco walked out of the Great Hall towards the dungeons.  
  
In the midst of it all no one saw Draco leave. Everyone was in a state of hysterics. Hermione and Harry were desperately trying to get Ron to show them that he was ok. Ron was just sitting there, in a state of shock. He wasn't letting any of his feelings out, it was as if his soul had died and gone to heaven, only leaving his body behind. "Ron? Ron are you all right? RON!" screamed Harry while shaking him. Harry then turned to Hermione. "Hermione do something! You're his girlfriend; maybe he'll listen to you. Please help him." pleaded Harry, while trying to hold back his own tears.  
  
"What can I do? He's not responding to anything I say!" replied Hermione, silent tears streaming down her face. She was looking at Ron with concern, sympathy, and hopelessness in her eyes. She didn't know what to do and she didn't know what to say. All she knew was that, if Ron didn't let his feelings out soon he'd stay like this forever. Just a hollow shell of what he once was. So she did the only thing that came to her mind. She grabbed his face, kissed him, let him go, slapped his face and roared "RONALD WEASLEY get out of your dazed state and listen to me!" She seemed to be perfectly all right although, inside she was trying to stay strong, for Ron's sake and she was hoping beyond hope that what she just did would work. It did work. But, she didn't exactly get the response she was hoping for.  
  
Ron suddenly jumped. "She was my little sister, my precious baby sister, I didn't realize she was in so much pain. She should have told someone. Why didn't she? And why Malfoy?" Ron whispered brokenly. "I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM! Where is he?! He'll pay for what he did to my poor baby sister. Oh, yes he will!" Ron yelled and ran out of the Great Hall towards the dungeons. Not many people heard Ron scream, but Harry did. He knew what was going to happen to Draco, if Ron could get into the Slytherin common room. Draco Malfoy was in for the beating of a lifetime. He just hoped that Draco was ready.  
  
OH BLOODY HELL! What am I thinking? Of course Draco isn't ready! Shit. I have to stop him. Harry ran after Ron trying desperately to catch up with him before he could get at Draco. He was running so fast and so focused on saving Draco that he didn't realize there was something on the ground. All Harry could say before he went flying and hit the ground was "Ah shit!" About two minutes after his fall he groaned and sat up. He saw a figure lying on the ground presumably unconscious. I wonder who that is. Whoever he was he seemed to be hurt pretty bad. He was lying in a pool of blood and he had many bruises on the parts of his body that were visible. Then he finally saw that oh so familiar platinum blond hair, partially covered by his robe. Please don't tell me Ron has already gotten to him! Please tell me he's all right. With trembling arms, while fighting back tears, he picked Draco up, who was by now soaked in blood and started towards the Hospital Wing.  
  
When Harry finally arrived at the Hospital Wing carrying Draco, he saw Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall sitting beside a bed, which contained Ginny's lifeless body. When Dumbledore and McGonagall realized why Harry was there, Professor McGonagall went off to find Madam Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore nodded his head gravely, took Draco from Harry's hands and set him down onto the bed across from where Ginny's body lay lifeless. "A girl so full of life driven over the edge by love. Love can be a person's greatest achievement but it can also be a person's greatest failure." Professor Dumbledore told Harry before Madam Pomfrey came running and shooed Harry out of the room. Harry wasn't very happy about that, since he wanted to stay with Draco and make sure he was ok, but there was nothing he could do about it.  
  
Harry wandered around aimlessly for about an hour, before he returned to the Gryffindor dorms. He was trying to cool off, before facing Ron. But it wasn't working. He knew that no matter how long he stayed away from Ron he was still going to end up spazzing at him. He took a deep breath and stepped through the portrait hole. He saw Hermione and Ron sitting on one of the many stuffed couches. Ron was crying openly while Hermione was desperately trying to comfort him. Why the hell should he be crying? Sure his younger sister just killed herself but he didn't have to take his anger out on Draco, it wasn't his fault! And especially since he knew that I loved him! Oh great, I can just feel my anger rising. Can't contain it. This is not going to be good.  
  
"RON, you bloody bastard! What the hell did you go after Draco for?! It wasn't Draco's fault; he didn't even know that Ginny liked him! What right have you to be bloody crying when Draco's lying in the Hospital Wing unconscious, when it was no fault of his! You knew I liked him, you bloody knew! But there you go having to take your anger out on him! And now he's unconscious and what if he dies? What'll you have to say for yourself then? You'd be a bloody murderer. A BLOODY FILTHY MURDERER!" screamed Harry. After a brief pause Harry pointed a shaky finger at Ron menacingly and said in a quiet but malicious voice "if he doesn't live through this, or if he's left permanently scarred in anyway, I will never ever forgive you for what you've done." After saying those words, Harry ran up the stairs, slammed the door to his dormitory, sat down on his bed, and promptly started crying.  
  
Why did all this have to happen? Why did Ginny have to kill herself? Why did Ron have to go after Draco? Why didn't I get there faster? What if he dies? I wouldn't ever be able to forgive myself for not getting there fast enough if he dies. Oh dear god please, let him live. I never got the chance to say what I wanted to. I should have told him about my feelings when I had a chance. But no! I'm such a bloody fool; I just have to wait till it's too late. If Draco wakes up I promise I'll be straight with him, I'll tell him what I feel for him. Just please don't let him die.  
  
While Harry was crying his eyes out in his dorm Hermione and Ron were on the couch stunned. Ron had no idea that Harry would have reacted that strongly. He didn't think that Harry liked Malfoy that much. But apparently he did. While Ron was thinking about Harry really loving Malfoy, Hermione was really confused. Hermione had no idea what Harry had just spazzed at Ron for. They both sat their in stunned silence until, Hermione decided to ask Ron why Harry was so upset with him. "Ron, I know this isn't a great time to ask this and everything, but why did Harry yell at you and why is he really upset with you? Where did you go for the fifteen minutes before you entered the portrait hole?" asked Hermione, a look of curiosity in her eyes.  
  
There were a few moments of tense silence before Ron said, "Will you promise not to get upset at me, like Harry just did? Will you promise not to judge me? Before I start explaining I just want to tell you to please not hold me responsible for what I did. I really didn't mean to, my anger just got the best of me, something inside me literally exploded and I saw red. You know that I have never been great at controlling my anger and with all the grief, dread, and horror I was feeling it was just too much for me. And you also have to know that I am really sorry for what I did and am willing to do anything possible to make both Harry and Malfoy forgive me for what I have done."  
  
"First of all, what you have done sounds very serious. If it really is maybe you should start by calling him by his first name. And I know that you have never really been that great at controlling your anger, but you really should try and learn. You could end up killing person if you don't get your anger in check. And whether I become upset at you or not depends on the seriousness of what you have done. But you will have to tell me anyways. I will make you no promises and I am fully prepared to hold you responsible for what you have done, because it doesn't matter if you were mad or not. You weren't under Imperious therefore you did it of your own free will. No one forced you to do what ever you did, but you did what you did despite knowing that you would be punished and that Harry would become upset." stated Hermione matter-a-factly.  
  
To this Ron nodded his head solemnly, hung his head and dejectedly started to tell Hermione about what happened. "After what Ginny had did to herself sunk in, I became extremely angry and hopeless. Something snapped inside of me and I blamed Malfoy for what happened. So I stood up from my seat and ran down to the dungeons seeing as Malfoy was not anywhere in the Great Hall. When I found him crouching in a corner; deep in thought, I immediately ran towards him. And the cold-hearted bastard wasn't even crying! When he saw me he smirked and asked coldly 'what do you want Weasel? Come to blame me for the little Weaslette's death? Well it wasn't my fault, I didn't ask that bitch to go and commit suicide in front of the whole bloody school, but she did get one thing right I would NEVER fall for a poor ass Weasley, although the whore probably could have been good for one thing, but that's besides the point. So fuck off and leave me alone.' He called her a bitch and whore! He was disrespecting her memory. I couldn't very well let him get away with that; by that point I was more than just angry I was so pissed I couldn't even think straight. I started punching him and kicking him with all my strength, all the while cussing him out. He tried to fight back but my anger gave me strength, it was no use. But he took at proudly. Throughout all the kicks and punches I aimed at him, he never even whimpered or flinched. That angered me even more so I picked him up and flung him against a wall headfirst. He hit the wall headfirst too. When he was unconscious I kicked him twice more, cussed him out some more, spat on him and left him there unconscious in a pool of his own blood. I'm a monster! He could be dead. I really do hope Harry forgives me and Hermione please don't leave me." Ron said rather hopelessly.  
  
Hermione was looking at him as if he were a monster. She couldn't believe what he had done. Even if it was Malfoy, how could her Ron do something like that? How could he? Sure he might have been traumatized, angry and most likely blinded by grief, but that wasn't an excuse for hurting someone so badly. She was trying her best to be rational. Here he was in a time of grief. His sister had just committed suicide. But she didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do. Ron was traumatized about his sister's death, but Harry was also traumatized about Draco. Sure Draco and Harry didn't exactly have a relationship and all Draco had shown towards Harry was contempt but, there was always hope maybe there was something underneath that cool façade. But then again maybe there wasn't anything underneath it and he was just the cold bastard everyone thought he was. Draco had been on their side when the war with Voldemort broke out. He had also treated her with cool indifference. He was always polite and never called her a mudblood anymore. She actually thought that he had a chance, but there Ron was driven over the edge, so crazy with grief that he had even had the nerve to injure Draco badly even when he knew that Harry loved him and it wasn't Draco's fault. This was going to be a tough one. She had no idea what so ever to do. She remained silent, although she saw Ron looking at her expectantly.  
  
A/N: The song that Ginny sang was Things I'll Never Say by Avril Lavigne. If you enjoyed this fic please review. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Thanks for reading! The next chapter will be up as soon as I write it! 


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